I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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