He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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