Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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