Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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