Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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