I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
