HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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