At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
