upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
