But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
