so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
