woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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