I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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