So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
