i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
