I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She needs sedatives and a leash
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
