I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
