My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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