You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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