Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i think im in europe. pls send help
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
