New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
