I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
