I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im holly from the hills drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
