Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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