Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
