"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
