Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
