I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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