I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
