Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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