Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
