I wish I could teleport
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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