I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
