well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
