I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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