ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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