Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
