Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
