I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
