I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
