I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
