I will die if light touches me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize