I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
