He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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