lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
