Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
