drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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