NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
