my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
