fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
