could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize