Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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