I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
