I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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