we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
