There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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