bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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