I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ugly people sure do ruin things
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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