WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's the barista slut.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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