Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
