I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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