he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
