you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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