By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
