The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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