Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
