seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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