Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
