I want to stick my p in your. b.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
