i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
