You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
