That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
