I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
