I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
