my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
