I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
